What if I wasn't?

Upon examination I have figured out that I eat when I'm upset. When people first started identifying with this years ago I was like: I just like food! But I recently I realized that I eat when I'm upset. Take today for instance, me and my husband had to go to the land to mark the spots that we want cleared. Well, on the way there we stopped at Wal-mart to get some water and tape to mark the spot and I got a box of Crunch -n- Munch, for later.
On the way back home after we'd marked the land we were having a disagreement, and so I opened the box of crunch -n- munch. I started shoveling handfuls into my mouth, which I didn't even get to enjoy because I was eating out of nervousness. Before I knew it the box was almost gone-- I finished it off when I got home. And yesterday I was irritated about something and I completely blew my diet.
I had already suspected that I had this problem. I guess I related to it about three or four months ago. I just started paying attention to my eating habits. But I couldn't stop myself from eating the fattening sugar coated popcorn.
When I was soaking in the bath last night I was remembering when I was a little girl. I had gone fishing with my grandpa like I did every summer. Well, this particular time there was a bad storm. First let me explain to you my grandfather. He was hard and stern and kind and sweet, but there were two time in life when you didn't want any parts of him and that was on a fishing trip pitching the tent or rather building a tent, and taking it down. My grandfather was in the military during WWII so he knew how to build a mean tent and we had to do this every fishing trip. The tent would have bedrooms and living areas; we could stand up straight and walk around. Well anyway, he would cuss everybody out as we were building it because it had to be built just right. "Goddamnit pull.... Can't you hold it this way?" would clap in the air like thunder, the kids would be crying, adults would be crying, all accept him, and after the tent was built he'd go back to saying things like... "Sho' baby. What ever you want sweet cakes."
Okay now to the point: there was a bad storm and our camp was being blown away. We had to take the tent down in the high-speed winds, and I wanted a cookie. Everybody was upset, my grandfather was bitching and I was asking everyone if I could have a cookie and I made the mistake of running up on my grandfather asking for a cookie and instead of "sho' baby," he cussed my ass out to the frequency of the lightening that was cutting through the sky, to the thunder that was rattling in our bones, to the screech of the wheels which were spinning hot mud because we were stuck in a puddle, to the leaves and branches that were being tossed in the hole so that we could get out.
I thought about all of this last night in the bathtub and realized that I eat when I'm upset and apparently I always have. Now for the next question to examine... I was an overweight child and I always thought it was because I loved food and had no limits set for me, but what if it wasn't? What had me upset enough as a child that I was overweight?
-LF Goodwyn